Without disclosing too much information, yet stressing that change is occurring, Seattle University’s very own SEAC has announced that they are increasing security at Quadstock in hopes of not only stopping, but squashing the Hamburglar. This increase in surveillance comes from consistent distress as the masked figure has time and time again stuffed their pockets full of one to three hamburgers without payment.
“We’re tired of this shit.” said a spokesperson Wednesday. “We just want everyone to have a good time and what do we get in repayment? A masked figure in a 1930s jail costume stealing one to three burgers!” When prompted to reveal how they were changing security in order to avoid the thievery this year, the anonymous spokesperson replied that “Everyone who has bought a ticket must go through a preliminary closet search in hopes of finding the costume. We’re gonna find the bastard and we’re gonna make them pay for those burgers they stole.”