Shell Saving the Earth One Solar-Powered Oil Rig at a Time

Amidst recent protest against Shell oil rigs docking in the Seattle area, Shell has released their newest technology. Solar powered oil rigs will now be used in their arctic drilling operations to quell environmental protests and concerns. “When we made the deal with the Port of Seattle, we were met with a lot of outrage. We listened to the people’s concerns and came up with an environmentally friendly solution,” said Shell Chief Executive Officer, Ben Van Beurden. The new oil rigs, which are on course to arrive in Port of Seattle later this week, will be solely powered by the sun as they drill into the earth and put diverse ecosystems at risk. “It’s really a beautiful thing that we can harness the earth and use it to power our machines that exploit its resources. We understand why people were concerned with our practices, but this seems like a win-win for everyone now,” noted Van Beurden.

Shell has used its entire sustainable energy budget to create this groundbreaking technology. “It was a risk of course. But we found that the benefit the earth would receive was worth it. Oil will no longer power our machines that harvest oil. It’s a huge step forward for the company. And one that I feel the locals will receive positively. We hope that other energy companies will take our lead and begin exploiting the earth using sustainable energy. It’s the future of oil, ” continued Van Beurden, wiping his brow with stacks of bills.

Other energy companies seem to be taking note of the innovative practice. “Damn. That’s a good idea,” said CEO of BP Oil Bob Dudley when asked to comment. “I really wish we’d thought of that.” Environmentalists have canceled all upcoming Shell protests in an attempt to understand what has happened. “We like solar power. But we hate Shell and oil. But we like solar power,” said the confused head of Seattle Against Shell (SAS), Rainbow Star. Shell’s newest technology seems to be turning heads on all political spectrums.

-Geran Landen

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