Value Village New Fragrance: Pre-Eau’d


On Saturday, Value Village released its new business venture to the public, a new fragrance entitled Pre-Eau’d. “We’re expanding our business beyond selling clothing, trinkets, and furniture that were rejected by their previous owners,” a smiling Value Village representative said at their poorly attended press conference, “Now we’re delighted to bring you a product that will prompt others to reject you!”

The fragrance is inspired by Val Vil’s infamous smell that haunts the entire city block it sits on, the same reeking, god-awful odor that’s nearly impossible to get out of any of the items they sell. “The process of extracting the aroma is challenging,” says the representative, “Squeezing all usable liquids out of our products one by one to gather in a huge vat in the basement takes time. It really is a labor of love.”

In asking passers by if they’d be interested in purchasing or receiving the new fragrance as a gift, the overwhelming response was “F*ck, no.”

— Allison Dunn


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