Value Village New Fragrance: Pre-Eau’d

perfume-510698_1920

On Saturday, Value Village released its new business venture to the public, a new fragrance entitled Pre-Eau’d. “We’re expanding our business beyond selling clothing, trinkets, and furniture that were rejected by their previous owners,” a smiling Value Village representative said at their poorly attended press conference, “Now we’re delighted to bring you a product that will prompt others to reject you!”

The fragrance is inspired by Val Vil’s infamous smell that haunts the entire city block it sits on, the same reeking, god-awful odor that’s nearly impossible to get out of any of the items they sell. “The process of extracting the aroma is challenging,” says the representative, “Squeezing all usable liquids out of our products one by one to gather in a huge vat in the basement takes time. It really is a labor of love.”

In asking passers by if they’d be interested in purchasing or receiving the new fragrance as a gift, the overwhelming response was “F*ck, no.”

— Allison Dunn

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s