Bob’s in Your Burger: In-N-Out’s Answer to the California Drought

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In lieu of the staggering drought, Californians have been called to cut down on their red meat consumption to help conserve water. While vegetarianism and veganism have been on the rise in the Golden State, many of its meat-consuming citizens have expressed outrage at this suggestion, afraid that their favorite burger place, In-N-Out, may be run out of business. But rather than roll over and submit to their demise, the family-run hamburger joint has found a way to keep flipping patties and help conserve precious water.

In-N-Out has announced that it will now be accepting meat donations from its patrons—live or dead—and will be offering “free double-doubles for life” to whoever “donates the most meat per pound.” Since this proposition, posed to Californians earlier this month, people have been jumping at the opportunity. Dogs, cats, and other household or farm animals were the first to be donated to the cause, children ecstatic that, “Fluffy gets to visit the In-N-Out farm! That’s what mommy told me!” But even old, decrepit family members have been able to contribute to In-In-Outs noble cause. “Gina always wanted to give back to the community,” says Paul Forrester, brother of the deceased/burger-fied Gina, with a tearful grin that’s slathered in thousand-island sauce, “She’s really achieved her dreams.”

Menu item names have even changed, much to the delight of In-N-Out dedicated customers. “I love the ‘Double Double Dave or Deborah’,” says mother of two, Tanya Kovrov, “It just feels so personal.”

When asked to comment about their drastic actions, In-N-Out CEO Lynsi Torres said, “Hey. This is a solution. We’re not the bad guys here. Nestlé is.”

-Allison Dunn

 

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