WASHINGTON D.C. – In a stunning revelation by sociologists and media analysts, it has been discovered that attaching “-gate” to the end of every possible scandal is completely and utterly lame. In an ironic turn of events, CNN has coined the term “Gate-gate” to report on the story.
“I can’t believe how stupid it is,” one reader responded in an interview. “Gate-gate has been laying under our noses since that Water-something scandal. Now the word ‘gate’ just puts a bad taste in my mouth.”
Some believe that the suffix has been tarnished by the recent NFL cheating scandal involving the New England Patriots purposefully deflating footballs (dubbed Deflategate). After meticulous research, leading social scientists have concluded that comparing deflated footballs to the Watergate incident via the “gate” suffix is both ridiculous and lazy. When asked for a comment, one scientist replied, “At least with Spygate the Patriots were actually spying on someone. That’s somewhat similar to Watergate. Most ‘-gate’ scandals don’t really come close, though. This is really, really lame.”
President Obama is expected to hold a press conference on Gate-gate within a week, and the Dow Jones Industrial Average has already dropped 454 points in response to the incident. Richard Nixon was reportedly seen turning over in his grave.