Student Who Attended the Wrong PlayDay, Still Stuck in Plastic Tube


PlayDay is a day where college-aged students can legitimately become intoxicated and party down for a great cause. While the event in itself brings happy memories of good times and the occasional barf, local square, Jeffrey Pickens, is having a complete opposite experience.

Writhing in pain and smushed up against the foggy plastic windows of a childhood nightmare, the twenty-one year-old just wanted to have fun, but due to his squareness and usage of Bing, went to the wrong PlayDay.

“I was a little suspicious when I saw the amount of children here, but I thought, ‘Hey! It is for the kids.’” Pickens admittedly confessed that he never actually consumed alcohol, yet acted like he did because “those kids were hyped up on something” and “I just wanted to fit in.” Although super pathetic that he even attempted to be one of the cool kids, one does become sympathetic when gazing up at this useless, open-mouthed face that sucks up the food dropped by slobbery toddlers.

“My only wish is,” concluded Pickens as a swarm of poopie-ridden children stampeded towards him, “that people know that I tried. I tried to go. I am no longer a full square. Maybe a trapezoid, but not a square.”




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