Bellarmine Hall Rocked by Corruption Scandal

Bellarmine

In a remarkable turn of events, Bellarmine Residence Hall at Seattle University has been raided by the FBI in a public corruption case. Although many of the details of the report are still classified, Hard Copy was able to find more insight into this scandal known as Bellarmine-gate.

Sources report that a Resident Assistant (RA) on a floor in the Residence Hall reportedly was not making door name tags for one of their residents. This resident reportedly lived on the “bad side” of the hall nearest the stairs; an area renowned for its illegal organ selling and gambling rings. When approached by the roommates of the affected party about the lack of name tag, the RA supposedly replied “Until [name] pays me their room and board personally, [name] doesn’t get a name tag.”

Anonymous sources reported that the nametag-less resident had been unable to afford the cost of living in the area and had been sleeping on the floor. The RA had even threatened to report the person to the authorities and get them evicted if they did not “pay up.”

In a desperate attempt to maintain their space in the Living Learning Community, the report also mentioned that the person had started “working nights” and had even sold one of their limbs in order to pay fees to Housing and Residence Life. However, the RA had made verbal threats to the resident that “unless I get a piece of that action, you’ll be down to zero limbs.”

This RA is also under investigation for voter fraud and for telling their residents how to vote in the important Student Government election.

In an attempt to help stop this incident from happening in the future Residence Hall Association (RHA) whose motto is Your voice within the Halls has promised to release a survey three months after everyone has forgotten about it and then do absolutely nothing with the results. As a pro-corruption publication, Hard Copy can only hope that this RA remains unscathed.

–Mark Wilson

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