Keystone Pipeline to be Re-Routed through Frat House


At a packed Joint Press Conference held by the US State Department and the Department of Energy last night, it was announced that the controversial Keystone XL Pipeline would be re-routed through the Fraternity House of Pi Kappa Alpha Chapter at Missouri University of Science and Technology. “Dude, this is gonna be the best thing that happened to Pike since that epic rager last weekend” explained Technical Communication Major (and presumed intellectual giant) Randy Wilson “This will totally improve the fratmosphere here.” Representatives from the State Department however, were confused about the level of excitement on the new proposal. “We are really not sure why a pipeline carrying 700,000 barrels of oil a day would incite this level of enthusiasm. But perhaps Frat life has changed since I graduated from college.” Despite not being reached for further comment, Randy Wilson reached out again to Hard Copy saying “Bringing a pipeline full of Keystone beer through our fratio is the most fratastic thing that I have heard of. Thanks Obama!” At time of publication, it was still unclear as to whether or not the newly proposed pipeline would be carrying low-quality cheap beer or oil from Canada’s Tar Sands.

UPDATE: Coors Brewing Company, the owner of Keystone Light has confirmed that the pipeline will not be carrying their fabled product.

–Mark Wilson


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