Hard Copy: Tips for Finals Week


Get a good night of sleep before your final. More sleep means a clearer mind, and this is important when taking an exam.


Eat a healthy, wholesome breakfast. It’ll give you the proper nutrients necessary for a productive day!


Limit your crying to 30 min or less. You WILL feel the desire to break down and cry, but it’s important to retain as many fluids as you can. The less time you spend drinking fluids and crying, the more time you have for studying.


If you’re returning to school in the fall, remember that you’ll have many more finals to do better on later, so don’t stress too much about these ones.


If you’re graduating, remember that you’ll be flung into an unstable job market and your current predicament is quite easy compared to what’s next!


Contact your local Adderall dealer. Odds are his or her stock will start dwindling fast, so buy several dozen pills before it’s too late.


Read Hard Copy to calm yourself down. These writers are geniuses, frankly, and they know what’s best for your emotions and mental state.


Keep your caffeine intake to a maximum– slowing down or stopping only ensures the inevitable crash. Some students use an IV, but replacing your water with Redbull should work just fine.


Sharpen your pencils beforehand. Sharp pencils don’t really matter when writing a final, but they could be the difference between life and death if your class is randomly attacked by a wild animal or an enraged professor.


Rid your soul of compassion and remorse. These traits are fine during the regular school year, but finals week requires ruthless attention and dedication. Whether it’s competing for the last blue-book in the student store or defending a study room in the library, the true survivors will always show no mercy in their academic pursuits.


And finally, remember what’s most important: Grades. This means sacrificing your physical and mental health, potentially neglecting relationships, and abandoning your morals and values. All that matters is getting that elusive A.


Good luck!

– Donnie Rhoads


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