Johnny Depp to Receive Death Penalty For Failing to Fill Out Customs Form


With a swift slamming of the gavel of justice, the High Court of Australia has sent a message to people all over the world who have failed to declare all items on their customs forms.

Robert French, the Chief Justice of Australia read the final sentence for famed actor Johnny Depp who was accused of bringing dogs into Australia without notifying the Customs or Agricultural Departments. “May God have mercy on your soul because the citizens of the Commonwealth of Australia sure won’t,” read Justice French with a disgusted look on his face as he finished reading the court’s decision to use capital punishment for the first time since 1967.

“I am very pleased with the decision to put the actor to death,” said the Honorary Barnaby Joyce, the Minister of Agriculture for Australia, “I think this will send a strong message to the world that you don’t fuck with our customs declaration laws. Biodiversity is super important and clearly Mr. Depp did not care enough to deserve life.”

“I can’t believe they are killing him!” sobbed devout fan of Depp, Jennifer Jones, “It wasn’t even as foolish of a move as agreeing to portray Tonto in The Lone Ranger.”

Mourners are expected to come pouring into Australia to witness the execution from all over the world. Hopefully they will heed the lesson of the importance of the customs form and learn from Johnny Depp’s mistakes.

–Mark Wilson


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