FIFA President Sepp Blatter to Star as Next Bond Villain


LONDON – Multiple sources have confirmed that FIFA President Sepp Blatter will be the main antagonist in the upcoming James Bond film, Spectre. Christoph Waltz was originally cast for the role, but director Sam Mendes has decided to go in “…a more genuinely sinister direction.”

As the president of FIFA, Sepp Blatter already has hands-on experience with running an evil global crime syndicate. His work in the field of bribery, corruption, and poor labor conditions is unparalleled in the sports world. Shortly after reports began to emerge regarding the horrendous conditions in Qatar, Blatter received an enthusiastic phone call from Mendes.

“Once you get to know this guy, you really see how big of a scumbag he is,” responded Mendes in an interview. “He’s scary. He plays mind games. Daniel [Craig] actually pissed his pants on set.” Eon Productions has provided the cast and crew with 24-hour therapy access in response to multiple emotional and mental breakdowns.

When asked for a comment, Blatter replied, “Spectre is a fun little project, yes- but 2022 is when the real fun begins. Stay tuned.”

– Donnie Rhoads


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