Coup Threat Forces Student Government Onto Defensive

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Seattle University — In a recent press conference held by the Student Government of Seattle University (SGSU), recent President-elect Jane Middleton announced a new set of reforms aimed at the rising threat of a coup from the defeated opposition candidate, Carlos Flores.

Cabinet-elect External Chief of Staff Nicky Landon opened the surprise press conference, which was scarcely attended by any meaningful news organization, and answered questions from the school newspaper The Spectator. Aaron Gallagher, a notable journalist and former representative from one of the outlying districts known for its low unemployment and high commuter membership, questioned the timing and the supposed urgency of the press conference. “It is the renewed threat of violent reaction from the radical opposition that this administration has been forced to call such a conference” Landon responded, “We hope for a future where the people’s votes are respected, rather than used as a political tool by an extremist group”.

Carlos Flores, a populist who drew his support from radical labor unions, ethnic minorities, and inner city activist groups, has been threatening a coup ever since his election defeat in last May’s election. “The election results are the work of a corrupt establishment, here in OUR Student Government”, Flores said in a speech to supporters at a coffee shop near campus, “we demand an immediate recount of votes by an independent body NOW!”.

Middleton, on the other hand, drew her support from the establishment and mainstream student body at the school, campaigning on a platform of transparency and government accessibility. “These temporary reforms are designed to help preserve the integrity of our democratic institutions and protect our student body from attack by radical groups” Middleton said at the press conference, “We hope that we can find a peaceful and equitable solution to this current issue in the long run. However, measures are needed. For now”.

One of the biggest reforms include the creation of a new cabinet position on the Student Government called the Secretary of Respect. This position, funded by a new student fee, will review all student work and make sure that it complies with regulations about respect, accuracy, and non-violence.

How these regulations will play out is largely unknown at this point, but hopefully the Administration will weigh in soon on this pressing matter.

–Mark Wilson

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