New App iVote transmits individual voting rights to Apple Inc.


Cupertino, CA — In an exciting turn-of-events, Technology Giant Apple Incorporated has announced a new application for SmartPhones and Tablets that will help registered voters avoid the hassle of going to the polls or mailing in a ballot.

“The program is really simple” announced Apple CEO Tim Cook, “no matter what country you live in, all you have to do is input your voter registration information into this application, and Apple will now vote FOR you!”

Jeff Smith, an Art History Major at the University of California Berkeley, described this moment as ‘pivotal’ and ‘exciting’. “Honestly, voting has always seemed like such a huge process for me. And now, with the click of a button, Apple can handle this for me too!”

“I can’t wait to download it!” he added.

Not to be outdone, Windows and Android are expected to release similar versions of the application in coming months. Even unusual companies seem to be interested in creating their own versions. Companies like energy giant ExxonMobil, cleaning supply company Clorox, media giant Disney, broadcasting and cable titan Comcast, and even agrochemical and biotechnology firm Monsanto have announced to have their own versions out in a ‘few weeks’.

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas had this to say to Hard Copy. “I don’t know who you are or why  you are contacting me. But when it comes to democracy, I think that this application is the best thing since Citizens United vs. Federal Elections Commission”.

With so many choices in applications, which one are YOU going to choose? Share in the comment section!

–Mark Wilson


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