Alphabet Inc. to Reorganize into New, Broader Company: Literally Everything Inc.

Logo_Google

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA – In an online announcement earlier this week, Alphabet Inc. (new holding company of Google) confirmed yet another planned company restructuring. Google and all other Google-related services will operate under Literally Everything Incorporated.

“Our initial goal in creating Alphabet Inc. was to expand Google’s operations beyond the internet and technology industries,” explained Larry Page, the CEO of Literally Everything. “The alphabet is pretty damn universal, but we quickly realized that our company could do so much more. That’s why we plan to make Literally Everything.”

Literally Everything executives have sent Hard Copy a short list of some upcoming projects:

  • Develop a second search engine, “Gooogle”

  • Terraform Mars

  • Make a Fantastic Four movie (and do it right)

  • Fix Donald Trump’s hair

  • Get Donald Trump to quit his run for the presidency

  • Get Donald Trump to quit being an asshole in general

  • Develop a third search engine, “Gogle”

  • Save the polar bears

  • Kill all mosquitos, ever

  • Make Bernie Sanders young again

  • Create “Jurassic Park” in real life (and do it right)

Donald Trump has yet to say something offensive about Literally Everything’s plans for the future. Perhaps the project has already been completed.

– Donnie Rhoads

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s