WASHINGTON, D.C. – Donald Trump has released the latest details of his plan to curb illegal immigration in the United States. The centerpiece of this plan involves digging a massive, medieval moat from the Pacific Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico, and then filling said moat with alligators.
“I realized that a wall isn’t going to cut it,” commented Trump during his immigration press conference. “A moat is better. You can’t climb over a moat.” Trump also said that the United States will handle the digging of the moat, but all alligators must be purchased by the Mexican government.
Mike Huckabee, a fellow republican presidential candidate, has already announced his plan to build a moat and a wall. Huckabee’s poll numbers are already rising, and Trump is already developing a plan involving lava floors and predatory bald eagles.
– Donnie Rhoads