HEAVEN – In a recent interview with Hard Copy, God shared His sentiments about His weapon of football destruction: Tom Brady. Apparently, God wishes that He had never let the monster loose upon the Earth.
“He’s just too much. Six Super Bowl appearances and four wins? It’s like, give somebody else a chance man,” remarked God. “I wanted to create a champion… But not like this. Not like Tommy.”
Tom Brady and Bill “Lucifer” Belichick (no relation) have torn the NFL asunder during their campaign of darkness. When asked for a comment, the Devil replied, “Tom Brady? No no, I don’t fuck with that guy. I don’t know where he’ll end up, but Hell doesn’t want that kind of evil.”
Tom Brady’s Patriots recently lost the 2015 NFC Championship to the Denver Broncos. Cheers could be heard as far away as the Pearly Gates themselves.
— Donnie Rhoads