“Unresponsive Group Project Teammate Probably Just Not Responding Because They Are Hard at Work” Team Reassures Themselves

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Late on Sunday evening, Anh, Jack, and Huey gathered around a table in the library to put the final touches on their general education science class group project. Each of them had come prepared to the meeting, which had been planned three weeks prior, and now they sat waiting anxiously for the fourth member of the group to arrive. But, 45 minutes into the meeting, sources confirmed he still had not arrived.

“I’m sure he’ll be here any minute”, Anh reportedly told the group. Her observation was corroborated by Huey, who had previous work experience with the missing member in another class.

It wasn’t long before rumors about number four began to circulate. Some speculated that he “was on some sports team” or that he had a boss who gave him a lot of “last minute shifts”. Jack, a commuter student, was “pretty sure that I’ve seen him in the commuter lounge before” — further adding to the speculation about just who this man was.

As Hard Copy went to press, it was confirmed that El Cuatro still had not responded to any texts, Facebook messages, emails, tweets, letters, phone calls, or Canvas notifications. Despite the prior concern, the group members were confident that he was probably working furiously to make his portion as excellent as possible. “We can just check the Google Doc tonight or before class to see if he uploaded his section” Anh, Jack, and Huey agreed before departing the library and exiting into the night.

— Mark Wilson

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