Seattle, WA- In a move that has surprised no one, Seattle University will begin offering students the choice to bypass the UCOR requirements, as long as they still pay for the UCOR courses with a 5% “non-participant” bump. When asked about the groundbreaking policy change Father Sundborg replied that “We just couldn’t keep going on with the charade that these classes were bettering our students. I mean have you taken one of those classes? We figured it would be better to just be honest and show why we really have those requirements: to make money. I mean they don’t call me Father Fund-borg for nothing.”
Students have met the policy change with mixed reviews. “I’m conflicted.” said sophomore Jamie Rodriguez. “On one hand it would be really nice to not have to sit through hours of classes I have no interest in. But on the other hand, those UCOR classes have really helped my ability at BS-ing papers and have always been a nice GPA boost.” The school plans to use the projected increase in funds to build a giant golden statue depicting Father Sundborg riding a Red Hawk. “It’ll be good for morale or school spirit or something.” commented Father Sundborg. The statue will be built by the non-unionized teachers of SU.