Armon Sa, former 4th-grade class mate of Bernie Sanders, released inspiring footage to the media early this morning. The footage, which has since been taken off line, shows an passionate young Sanders delivering a speech to Sunny Hills Elementary School, demanding equal tater tots for all the students and promising longer recess and soda in the water fountains. The speech was in support for his campaign to become student government president.
“I remember being really excited about Bernie’s suggested policy.” Stated Armon. “Longer recess, equal tater-tots and soda fountains. What wasn’t to love about it? A lot of the younger students were really rallying around him. They knew he wouldn’t back down to the teachers/administration.” Unfortunately Bernie went on to lose the presidency. When asked for comment, Bernie stated that “While I had the votes of the K-3rd grade demographic, the older students of Sunny Hill didn’t find my policy feasible, and were worried I would lose to a more conservative candidate. I ended up losing the election to Sally Summers, a girl who had plenty of experience, having been held back twice.”