Hillary Contemplates Cheating on Bill to ‘Spark’ Her Campaign

Hillary_Clinton_April_2015

In a move that worked so very well for her husband, Hillary Clinton is considering cheating on her spouse in order to revitalize her campaign. “My husband seemed to gain a lot of political capital by being unfaithful. His 1992 primary campaign took off right after news came out that he cheated on me for twelve years with Gennifer Flowers. That’s exactly what I need right now.”

Hilary has been considering Barack Obama, Jimmy Carter, and George W. Bush who she says are all more presidential than her current spouse. But Hilary is also interested in copying her husband’s formula, “He usually just slept with his subordinates or people he felt he had power over. I’m thinking about having all the interns apply?” You can send your applications to Hillary’s private email.

People across the country have sent in resumes and cover letters citing that they are very attracted to Mrs. Clinton as a hyper-intelligent, beautiful woman. Harold Burkindoy said, “I honestly don’t understand what is wrong with Bill. Women like Hillary don’t come around very often.” Bank of America has offered to sponsor this endeavor by buying the services of a Hollywood heartthrob like Seal or Tom Selleck. However, both say they will participate in the adultery free of charge.

-Chip Otlecoli

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