Hottest Anti-Government Oregon Militia-men: Ranked

Last week, the FBI raided and arrested the last of the Oregon Militiamen. This group of anti-government conservatives were protesting the takeover of Federal Land which they claim was unconstitutional and unjust. Below is a list of the hottest men in this group, ranked by sheer sex-appeal.

  1. Chad Watkins


When not posing with his shirt off, this rough-and-tough man of a man is out patrolling the refuge making  sure no agents of Barack Obama are out to take away his freedom!

  1. Nathan Smith


A High school History teacher turned freedom-protector, Nathan is always ready to defend this country from Tyranny. You can often find him patrolling the South-side of camp with his ARX-100 Semi-Automatic Rifle that he bought in Idaho last summer.

      8. Jeff Huckabee


Jeff believes in the constitution, but that doesn’t mean he also doesn’t like to pump some iron every now and then. We love Jeff for his passion, his anti-government stances, and his beautiful eyes. Wow.

      7. Hubert Humphreys


While we couldn’t catch him with his shirt off in the Oregon wildlife refuge where he was surrounded by Federal Agents, we did manage to find a few hot and sexy pictures of Hubert from his Facebook Profile. He easily makes the top 10 list.

      6. Jeff “Rusty” Pawlenty


Some may say that ole’ Rusty isn’t as hot as Hubert or Chad, but we whole-heartedly disagree. While at first glance this handsome man may not have much in the way of looks, he more than makes up for it in zeal, determination, and loyalty. And when it comes to love and attraction, what is sexier than these three?

      5. Earl “Bonesaw” Dole


Some men age beautifully. Earl “Bonesaw” Dole is the perfect example. A life-long anti-government radical, Earl can be traced to actions and protests against public school integration and in favor of the Iraq-War. This life long freedom advocate also rejects Center for Disease Control findings that cigarettes can influence lung cancer. What a rebel!

      4. Jeremy Cameron


Jeremy won our hearts because of his cute awkwardness. Jeremy is actually a citizen of the United Kingdom and got lost while visiting Oregon! Often the best way to get to know a new place is to get lost in it and sure enough, Jeremy is doing just that.

      3. Charlie “Pirate” Loggins


Charlie “Pirate” Loggins is an avid sailor and pro-small government advocate. When not looking pretty and fighting against the Federal Government, Charlie enjoys the adventure of the high seas. While this heart-throb may now be in prison, he makes the perfect role model for wanna-be sailor boys and girls!

      2. Harold Jethro


This picture speaks for itself. Wow. What we wouldn’t give to have a night with this man of men. This titan of testosterone. This zesty zeal-filled anti-government warrior. Harold loves just three things in this world: Guns, trucks, and beer. This simplicity — combined with gorgeous hair and strong arms — makes him our choice for second hottest Oregon militiamen.

      1. Ted Cruz


Wow. This man is so anti-government that he got elected to the Senate from the state of Texas and is partially responsible for government shutdowns! While he may not have been at the Oregon refuge in solidarity with these other hot men, he has been promoting a similar platform all across the country! Beyond these strong values, look at the way his kind face is shaped and how good he looks in that suit! Wow. Just wow. A true modern-day David.

–Mark Wilson


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