Super Bowl Recap: Papa John Finally Releases Peyton Manning’s Soul

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SANTA CLARA, CA – Just moments after the time expired in Super Bowl 50, Peyton Manning felt the sweetest release. Manning’s service had been fulfilled, his final trial finished- his soul was let free by Papa John, at long last.

This dark legend begins with Manning’s first purchase of a Papa John’s franchise in Denver. Upon that day, a dark covenant was formed between Manning and “The Unholy Father of Pizza” that would go on to dominate Manning’s very essence. Papa John himself claimed the Sheriff’s soul, and thus the quarterback was shackled by the clutches of evil.

“This whole ordeal has been worse than a nightmare,” commented Manning in his post-game press conference. “Not just for me, but for my wife and children. Papa John’s darkness consumed me. It… It just feels so good to be free.” Manning wept silently and walked away from the podium.

Papa John gave Peyton Manning a farewell kiss on the field, signifying the breaking of their contract. There is no video or photographic evidence of Papa John leaving the stadium, and his current whereabouts are unknown. Legend states that Papa John will seek a new athlete to curse- another soul to claim until a new championship is won.

— Donnie Rhoads

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