If you’re wondering why SU_secure’s WiFi signal isn’t strong or consistent, it’s because the signal is being generated by an elderly woman turning a hand crank in a dusty room.
Agatha Pratchett is Seattle University’s official WiFi generator. Every morning at 5 am she sits down in a rickety wooden chair and starts turning the WiFi crank. She keeps it going all the way until midnight, at which her duties have ended. Naturally, this explains why SU_secure never works between midnight and 5 am.
Agatha’s right arm is quite muscular as a result of spending years of cranking. In her free time, Agatha enjoys hustling at arm wrestling competitions.
— Donnie Rhoads