As a publication that holds itself to a high degree of journalistic integrity, we at Hard Copy have a confession to make. We are in a relationship with Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton.
It all started out so innocently. We tried to stay out of the politics of the US Presidential Election, and stick to issues dominating Seattle University and college life in general. But the temptation of Bobby Jindal, Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and the gravy train of comedy that has been the 2016 General Election proved too much for us.
Soon enough we found ourselves at press conferences and breaking into candidates’ houses looking for dirt. It was only a matter of time before Hillary Clinton or representatives from those that have endorsed her where slipping us larger and larger bribes. We liked the feel of the money and we didn’t want to make it stop.
Then the relationship was kicked up a notch. Due to our immense size and status in the journalism world, Mrs. Clinton decided that bribes wouldn’t keep us in her pocket forever. She decided to take our relationship to the next level. After the first night, we knew there was no going back. We know it was wrong, but it felt so right.
Of course Bill knew. But he knew how much this campaign meant to Hillary and so he didn’t say anything about it.
However, Hard Copy has decided that we can no longer keep this relationship in the dark. We are in love and we are not ashamed of our actions. Power, Money, and Hillary Clinton have corrupted us and we will never go back to the innocent publication we were before.
— Mark Wilson