EXPOSED: Rudy Redhawk’s Opium Problem

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Photo by Natalie Greco – Flickr

Anyone else noticed that Rudy Redhawk has been behaving a little differently recently? That is because Rudy has developed an opium addiction!

Three nights ago, a hard Hard Copy staff member spoke to a friend of Rudy’s (and no, it wasn’t Seattle Seahawk). Apparently Rudy’s roost is now just him and his opium addicted friends playing flight simulation games. “It’s actually pretty fun,” the friend admits, “But personally I haven’t done anything more than poppy seeds.”

Rudy has actually been missing at many of the most recent games. The University has decided to dress up a HUMAN inside a corpse of a Redhawk that looks very similar to Rudy.

“In the long run there is some concern about replacing Rudy,” Father “Steve-daddy” Sundborg bemoans, “It’s very difficult to find Redhawks with names that alliterate due to a cultural aversion to alliteration. In fact, it is rare to find any avians alliterating at all, Alex.”

While my name is Chip, Steve-daddy did have a point, replacing Rudy will be difficult. No one gesticulates as well as him during our AMAZING and catchy fight song.

-Chip Otlecoli

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One thought on “EXPOSED: Rudy Redhawk’s Opium Problem

  1. Pingback: 8 Halloween Costume Ideas from Hard Copy | Hard Copy Satire

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