This election season, you’ll hear a lot of hubbub about the youth not getting out to vote. They will talk about how many more young people voted back in the 2008 primaries or how young folks these days are too self-centered to engage in such an important democratic duty. But why is nobody talking about how much old people vote?
Old people are always talking about how idealistic millennials are for voting Bernie Sanders. But only 17% of millennials vote. Aren’t the 57% of 65+ people that leave their house to wait in line before expressing their political opinion to a corporate blob of a political system more idealistic?
“I mean when you’re younger, you have weddings to go to or your kids still want to talk to you,” Gerald Hayes lamented. “When you’re 84, voting is a reason to shower, shave, and bicker with your spouse. I don’t necessarily think that we need to have all the political sway that we do, but I don’t want to stop voting.”
So I have a modest proposal. Let’s put a cap on the number of voting elderly. Cut off voting for people 65 and up at a number that is proportionate to their share of the population. Any elderly who show up after that can still put down little marks on a little piece of paper, but we will just promptly throw those marks in the trash.
But Grandma Otlecoli, I’m sorry if your vote doesn’t get counted, but at least you got to dress up and go down to the polling station and see all the other people voting!
The ageism, views, and opinions expressed in this article are those of Chip Otlecoli and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any agency of the U.S. government or Hard Copy Satire.