WASHINGTON D.C. – Following his last Republican Debate, Donald Trump handed off all campaign responsibilities to his massive penis. Trump’s penis (named Richard) is now the frontrunner for becoming the next President of the United States.
In an interview with Hard Copy, Richard was very friendly and confident. “I really believe I have the length and girth to win this thing. Look at me, I’m hyuge. And please, call me Dick.” When asked if being a penis will hurt his chances in the race, Richard replied, “You know, we’re seeing a lot of Americans getting very frustrated at those dicks in Congress and this dick or that dick running for President. First thing’s first- there’s only one real Dick in this race, and he isn’t a career politician like Rubio, Cruz, Clinton, or Sanders.”
Richard laid out his stances on the issues during our interview. He seems to have the most succinct and sensical foreign policy plan, and he understands the plight of the American middle class. If elected, Richard will be the first actual penis to become President of the United States.
“I have the endurance to go all the way. The Oval Office is calling my name- I just need America’s help to get me up and in.”
— Donnie Rhoads