SEATTLE WASHINGTON– “No, it can’t be” shouted a concerned representative from RedZone, the Seattle University Student Organization, “The King can’t be peaking. Not now!” Despite the concerns from RedZone, administrators from Student Activities could only confirm the worst: The recent Homecoming Court King had indeed peaked in lifetime achievement.
“You know, we really thought that such an important achievement would be the first of many” sobbed a Student Development Administration graduate student who is currently interning in the Student Activities office “But now the King will probably be content with winning the local suburban bowling league or the employee of the month award at his middle-management corporate office job. Why God? Why!”
At press time, it was found that the former King of Homecoming’s Facebook and Instagram posts were declining in number of “likes” — surely a sign of a miserable life to come.
— Mark Wilson