Underfunded Language Program at Seattle University to Cut Past Tense

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SEATTLE UNIVERSITY- Faced with increasing budget changes the Seattle University language department has been left with no option but to cut the past tense. Because the past tense has been part of the language curriculum for so long, this decision came after a long 45-minute conversation with President Sundborg over a fully catered meal provided by Bon App.

“This wasn’t an easy decision, but it is important to pay for the important things that our school needs.” President Steve-daddy Sundborg insisted while eating his crab dip appetizer. “It’s just that teaching our students different conjugations is a luxury we can no longer afford.” It has been discovered that discussing the past leads to an increase in depression and a spike in ice cream sales at the Cave, so maybe this change isn’t so bad for Seattle University. After all, it does seem fitting that the past tense will not be carried into the future.

*Disclaimer: Any use of the past tense within this article was paid for by HardCopy’s GoFundMe page, “Conjugations for a Better America”.

-Winter Siegel

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