In an inspiring turn of events, Bernie Sanders supporters have collectively decided to abstain from voting in the presidential election. They will continue to campaign for Sanders and support him financially but will not be voting in any more primaries. “We just realized if we voted we would be playing into corporate America’s system. We’d be playing by their rules. And that goes against our values, we don’t want to play into the system that has given birth to corporate puppets like Hilary and Bush,” said Sanders supporter and founder of the Washington branch of the Skip The Ballot For Sanders Organization (SBSO), Dume Shi. When asked how they expected Sanders to win without votes, Shi confidently replied that “Sanders doesn’t need votes any more than he needs corporate funding. It’s naysayers like you who try to peg his revolutionary ideas as impossible, when really they just need our support. Not through votes of course, but through us believing in him!” When asked to comment on this well thought out new movement, Sanders could only hold his head in his hands and shake his head in disbelief, clearly so inspired he could not utter a single word.