Tender, the Dating App for the Overly Emotional Guy

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As of March 8, the money thirst creators of everyone’s favorite dating app Tinder have done it again.

Introducing Tender, the app designed for the hopeful male looking to bang, but not so much to cry.  “Why another app the people may ask,” Founder of Tinder and Corgi enthusiast Ollin Coverbay says, “Not everyone can take the harsh truth of being rejected, so our team and I have revolutionized the game of dating once again by replacing bold and brutal rejections with reasonable explanations that hurt less than a stab to the heart”.

Tender, which is now on the Android Market and the App Store, gives you the opportunity to chat with any available singles in your area. Flirt, laugh, and maybe find the one! But that’s not all.

When things do not seem to be going anywhere and you know the girl is about to put you down like a sad Turkey on Thanksgiving night, Tender’s cutting edge technology has your back.

If a girl responds, “Gtfo you sexist dickhole”, Tender refines it into, “You are so sweet. I really like your unique personality but I am looking for something even more casual than your usual hook up. Any girl will be lucky to have you.”

Tender is even there to help you in those rare moments of misstep. Did you make a sexist joke? Show your support for Donald Trump? Or simply sent that “that wasn’t for you” dick pic too soon? With Tender, no need to crawl into a pathetic ball of self pity and cry.

“With Tender,” Coverbay explains, “we can translate harsh and hurtful replies by woman using our one­of­a­kind Patriarchy Machine to replies that you want to hear.”

“I love sexists!”, “I am a racist too”, and  “Oh wow you are so big!” are some of the most frequent Tender ­generated responses guaranteed to save the day.

Tender is really helping those nice guys out there making through the rough dating world. The company is more than confident that the app will have no problem taking off and it will be just as successful as Tinder. In the summer of 2017, the company is hoping to release the new update which will include muscle and boob enhancing filters.

— Joseph G. Creek

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