When little Sally Pearson woke up in the morning, she didn’t know that she’d end the day in a maximum security jail cell. Unfortunately for her, that’s the price to pay for theft of the highest order: stealing a lone grape at the supermarket.
The moment that Sally swallowed that grape, SWAT entered the building and blocked all exits, using tactical smoke and flashbang grenades to confuse customers and isolate Sally, who had just become No. 1 on the FBI’s Most Wanted list. Sally Pearson was immediately detained and sent to trial, which lasted about 30 seconds. The jury was disgusted by the heinous crime- some had to leave, another vomited in their seat. The judge found Sally guilty of Grape Grand Theft.
Media pundits and the general public are blaming Sally’s parents for not educating their child about the severity of testing grapes at the supermarket. At the end of the day, Sally serves as an example of what happens to criminals in this country: the swift hammer of justice will come down upon them without mercy or hesitation.
— Donnie Rhoads