CAMPUS QUAD NEAR THE FOUNTAIN — In a shocking turn of events, the local chapter of the Juan Ponce de León Colonial Society (JPCS) has announced the discovery of the Fountain of Youth on Seattle University’s Campus.
The Fountain is located in the water fountain near the big fountain in the quad. When reached for comment, Father “Steve-Daddy” Sundborg had this to say “I am amazed and humbled by the discovery of the Fountain of Youth on Seattle University’s Campus. I wonder if this will entice Dr. Isaiah Crawford to stay instead of moving to University of Puget Sound.”
The Fountain of Youth, was found in a previously thought to be broken water fountain, but if used in the right way can elicit the magical substance of eternal youth. The Juan Ponce de León Colonial Society claims that users must prepare to drink from the fountain and then hit the button in a series that resembles the tune “Funky Town” by Lipps Inc. Though some students have reported that the chorus to the song Седьмой элемент (The 7th Element) by VITAS also works.
— Mark Wilson