SU Housing Announces New “Efficiency-Quintuple” Floor Plan

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SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – Seattle University Housing recently unveiled their new plan to curb the housing crisis: the Efficiency-Quintuple. The new floor plan will cram five miserable students into a standard Campion or Bellarmine dorm room. The SU budget team has already claimed that this move will lift the university out of its financial issues and into a golden age of higher salaries, lower tuition, and improved facilities.

Hard Copy tried to interview five students living in an e-quintuple together, but they would not speak or move- they seemed to be empty shells of their former selves, demoralized beyond the point of reason.

— Donnie Rhoads

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