Seattle, WA – In a shocking turn of events today it was revealed that the campus housing crisis, until now thought to be the result of over admittance into the school, was in fact the result of Father Sundborg’s “many, many bastard children”. In a recent statement the University president revealed that he only took on the popular moniker “Steve-Daddy”, after the school began to admit the hordes of his loins.
It turns out you see, that due to an obscure university policy, the school is required to provide admittance to anyone who is biologically related to the sitting University president, regardless of whether or not the president wants them to be admitted. This has led to an influx of underqualified students being admitted to this highly prestigious university as a result of Father Sundborg’s ‘Sexy Sundays’, ‘Makin Mondays’, and so forth.
“Dear god, if we had known that Steve-Daddy was doing all this, I doubt we would have taken him on as president. I mean 70% of enrolled students are actually members of his direct family,” The University explained in their official statement on the matter.
At least now Seattle University students know why they are subjected to DNA testing and the new strict “No romance between students” policy.