Professors are Losing Their Battle with Spring Weather


As the weather gets warmer, students start skipping their classes and spend their days outside doing fun things. “I wish the rain would have kept up,” Dr. Madden laments. “It’s supposed to be 82 this Monday and I’m nervous nobody will show up. Maybe they’ll go swimming or tan in the park like rational people.”

Professors have tried to bring sunlamps into class, hand out Coronas in class, and have kiddie pools in class, but the students say it’s not the same. “I got wasted in a kiddie pool under a sunlamp in History 4140 the other day. It was better than winter, but all my friends went canoeing at UW. And my drunk notes were very hard to understand the next day.” Said sophomore Johann Lee. Professors are considering polluting the city until it’s always cloudy, but they haven’t raised enough money on GoFundMe yet.

-Chip Otlecoli


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