Public Safety Officer Caught Installing Nitrous Turbo on Segway


SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – A public safety officer is facing discipline this week for attempting to install a nitrous turbo booster on his segway. The attempted modification would allow the officer to travel from Xavier Residence Hall to the Student Center in 5 seconds or less.

Public Safety supervisor Hubert Pubert commented on the incident, “Listen, we want our officers to have the best equipment. This just crossed the line. I don’t even have turbo, and I’ve worked here for three years.” Upon an inspection by Hard Copy, Pubert’s very own segway was found to have flame stickers and a custom horn.

UPDATE: Hard Copy reviewed the SU Public Safety bylaws and determined that stickers and custom horns are legal. You’re off the hook, Hubert Pubert.

— Donnie Rhoads


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