School To Spike Water Fountains During Quadstock To Fight Possible Sobriety

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SEATTLE, WA — In an attempt to avoid the devastating act of sobriety that almost ruined last year’s Quadstock, Seattle University intends to spike all water sources on campus with vodka in the hours leading up to the event. “We deemed this extremely necessary, especially after seeing the lineup SEAC put together this year. And we are really just following in the J-man’s footsteps here.” Comment Father Sundborg. “He turned water to wine and now Steve-Daddy’s turning it to vodka!” The announcement seems to have pleased the student body, as most were clearly appalled at not only the blatant act of sobriety but the general lack of sloppiness at last years event.  

-Juan Albrook

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