Albers Student to Become Big Business Boy Just Like Daddy


SEATTLE, WA– Timothy Daniels, a junior Business Administration major, has his career figured out. “I’m going to be a big business boy just like daddy. Daddy has nice, shiny cars and we lived in a big, busty house growing up,” noted Daniels. Daniels can often be found wearing a button down, slacks, and premium leather shoes in Piggott. He often orders whatever he wants from The Bottom Line because “daddy’s paying ;)”

“Daddy always seems like he knows what to do. He drinks nice brandy and smelly cigars in front of big, busty, business boys like him. Mommy says he cheats and I think that’s why mommy left. But daddy doesn’t seem to care. Daddy just does more business, drinks with more business boys and talks more loudly about ‘conservative values’,” notes Daniels. Daniels will graduate without student debt because “daddy’s paying ;).”

Daniels likes to drink heavily on the weekend at UW fraternities or return to daddy’s house and host parties on daddy’s boat because “all daddy talks about is how much fun he had getting wasted and boinking girls in college.” Daniels plans to know everything about stocks, bonds, and money and start making money “like daddy” after graduation.

-Chip Otlecoli


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