In a disappointing turn of events, it has been revealed that Father Sundborg has lost Seattle University’s entire endowment fund in a not-so-elaborate pyramid scheme. Seattle University is now down several million dollars, but has recently acquired thousands of GoodMuscle™ protein supplement units.
“Listen, if you were offered incredible profits AND toned abs and pecs, you’re telling me you wouldn’t jump at that offer?” remarked Sundborg in a recent interview. “I made a mistake, I realize that. But if we’re gonna have this protein powder lying around, we might as well put it to good use and hit the gym.”
While Father Sundborg’s job and reputation are in jeopardy, several media outlets are confirming that Sundborg’s pull-up record has gone up from 2 to 4.
— Donnie Rhoads