NBA to Get Rid of Eastern Conference Playoffs and Just Have “LeBron’s Team” Play in Finals

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In a shocking but logical decision, the NBA decided Monday that they don’t need to watch LeBron pulverize a bunch of bush league Eastern Conference teams every year anymore. “LeBron has just sort of made the Eastern Conference Playoffs obsolete. Actually, what we are seeing now is that the ECP are demoralizing for opposing teams,” notes NBA commissioner Adam Silver. To get a better idea of what Silver was talking about, we talked to players from all the teams LeBron has beat over the past half decade in the ECP

Kyle Lowry: “IT’S NOT FAIR. HE’S STRONGER AND BIGGER AND I DON’T WANNA PLAY ANYMORE”

Kyle Korver: “I like three pointers and LeBron made it so hard for me to make three pointers. I hate LeBron.”

Stan Van Gundy: “He smells like a poopy and we didn’t even wanna go to the finals anyway.”

Jimmy Butler: “… boo hoo…”

Brad Stevens: “I like to play head coach and LeBron makes playing head coach no fun.

Paul George: “If it wasn’t for stupid LeBron, I would be the best SF in the Eastern Conference. LeBron is dumb and I don’t like playing with LeBron.

Deron Williams: “I had forgotten how big a poopy playing LeBron is until you brought it up. Thanks a bunch, Chip Otleknucklehead.”

Kemba Walker: “In college I won a championship and it was like so so so so so so so so fun and now LeBron is here and I can’t ever win another championship ever again.”

Monta Ellis: “We were just trying to have fun in the Eastern Conference Playoffs and then LeBron came and made it no fun at allllllllllll :(((“

Ray Allen: “Ya I know playing with LeBron seems like it sucks, but it’s actually super fun if you’re on his team!”

Carmelo Anthony: “I was a big star like LeBron. But now he’s so good that people have forgotten about me and I play in the biggest city in the richest nation in the world.”

Doug Collins: “I lost to LeBron a long time ago and I’ve been saying that it sucks forever but nobody believes me until they play him.”

So, as you can see, it is in the best interest of the conference if they just let the Western Conference champion play LeBron instead of LeBron embarrassing them.

–Chip Otlecoli

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