In Defense of Manspreading

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When I sit in a crowded place, and my legs take up more space than females sitting next to me, I feel bad. But I must defend my manspreading- I have been silent for far too long. I get how it could be perceived as an act of the oppressive patriarchy. I totally see how me taking up space instead of just crossing my legs could be seen as an act of male aggression. But I have two very good reasons why I do it. My balls. Those guys gotta breath! When I cross my legs, when males cross their legs, their family jewels get squished! It’s a horrible feeling, and I frankly just can’t deal with it for long periods of time. So I am sorry if I take up a bit more space on the bus, but just think of my balls-er um, not like that, but you get the point. I am not trying to oppress anyone, just trying to liberate my nuts.

-Deez Nutsano

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