President Sundborg To Quarantine Casey To Prevent Racism From Spreading


SEATTLE, WA — Father Sundborg announced in a press conference last week that he finally gets what the MRC coalition is protesting. “They kept saying Dean Kelly is racist, Dean Kelly is offending us, Dean Kelly isn’t addressing our needs. And I just didn’t know what this racist thing was, so I ignored them.” Said Sundborg in his official statement. “But then someone said it was making them sick and it all clicked. Racism is a disease! So I am quarantining Casey and sending Dean Kelly home until she recovers, so no one else is hurt and/or catches this awful racist bug.” The release seemed to anger many, with students claiming that the President was ignorant to their needs. We at Hard Copy however are happy that the whole issue has been solved, and the protests ended peacefully!

-Juan Albrook


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