NASA’s Juno Probe to Jupiter Exposes Colony of Ryan Seacrest-Looking Life Forms on Planet

jupiter-family

Houston, Texas — We were all sure that Ryan Seacrest had to have come from somewhere beyond Planet Earth. The question was just where. After top-secret deep-space NASA missions could not find the source of Seacrest, they decided to probe planets closer to home. These missions were given names like Voyager and Curiosity Rover, and were publicly chartered for purposes of “research” and development of our understanding of neighboring planets. However, the true mission of these projects goes beyond the understanding of Solar System planets, and into our understanding of the Seacrest organism.

Finally after much suspense, NASA has found a gargantuan colony of three-piece-suit clad, 5’8” and 150-pound life forms. The whiteness of these life forms’ teeth shift Jupiter’s spectrum into the ultraviolet. Scientists at NASA managed to pinpoint the source of this strange blue-shift to discover the colony. Jupiter is a gas-giant, meaning there is no solid surface of the planet. The colony survives by creating radio waves so massive that they form a solid surface for the organisms to construct their dwellings on top of. These radio waves are emitted from the core of the planet, where the talk show “On Air With Ryan Seacrest” actually comes from.

-Jingles McIngleberry

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