To Make Up for Depressing Genitalia, Mike Pence Has a Real Fast Car

maserati-1649119_1280

Somewhere in God’s Butthole that is Indiana – In this heated election time, we wanted to get as much information on Mike Pence as possible, so we went to his home in Indiana, and chatted with his wife for a bit. She told us how great of a man Mike is, and how kind and gentle he can be.

She also showed us his really, really fast car.

We asked when he got it, and she gave us the full story:

“Well, it was our wedding night, and we were so happy, and we got home, and, well, made it official (slight giggle). And afterward, he asked if I had ever seen anyone more… impressive… than him. And I thought he was joking or being sarcastic, so I started laughing really hard! But he wasn’t laughing, he was actually quite serious. Anywho, he bought that Maserati the very next day.”

Adam Horovitz

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