Jazz Performance Major Requires New “Intro To Heroin” Class

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It’s that time of the quarter again, when all of the students will have to register for next term’s classes. New for the Jazz Performance major is a class that strives to get students ready for the real world, and prepares them for what will inevitably happen to their lives: JZPR 314 – Intro To Heroin.

Dr. of Love, PhD in the groove, will teach this course, and he says that each student is expected to collect 12 used syringes before the first day of the course. “I’m going to be tough on these kids, just like dope was tough on me. And just like dope will definitely be on these jazz performance majors.”

-Mitch McCockle

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