Flirty Freshmen Duo has Uncomfortable, Elbowy, PG-Rated Intimacies in Campion for the First Time


In a long and drawn out will-they-won’t-they love story that Hard Copy has been meticulously following since September, freshman Lisa Schopenhauer and freshman Ricky Steamboatingson have finally reached a climax in their relationship. Yes, the tale of Lisa and Ricky has been building and building and thrusting and building, but it has finally come to fruition. Hard.

It happened in their friend Joey’s dorm room, when Joey’s older brother snuck him and his friends a six-pack of shitty hard ciders past Campion RAs. Joey had one, Joey’s brother had one, but Lisa and Ricky both had two, leaving them sufficiently tipsy to do something crazy with each other. Sure enough, they left for Lisa’s dorm down the hall. They both unclothed, leaving themselves completely exposed to each other (except for the shirts, socks, sweatshirt, two condoms, rain jacket, and all underwear they still kept on the whole time), and did the deed everyone had been waiting all school year for them to do.

In an interview with Ricky, he said, “I can’t believe it finally happened! I just wish her roommate wasn’t sleeping next to us.”

Lisa said, “It was the most amazing seven seconds of the whole school year!”

We at Hard Copy are proud of these crazy kids.

–Juicy O’Woozy


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