Health Center Has No Appointment Openings Until After Death Prognosis

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Terminally-ill student Howie Manwell experienced a striking pain in his left side. Howie knew this was a complication of his illness, but the pain was too much. He was relieved, however, to remember that the Student Health Center was there for the purpose of providing timely and effective care to students of Seattle University. He called the Health Center in searing pain, seeking to make an appointment. The phone call went like this:

Howie: Hi (grimacing in pain)… I’d like to make an appointment please.

Health Center receptionist: What might this be about?

Howie: It… it hurts… everywhere. Can I please see a doctor?

Health Center receptionist: Unfortunately, we don’t have any openings for another 12 months. You’re welcome to make an appointment for a year from now, though.

Howie: But… but I was given 11 months to live…

Health Center Receptionist: Oooh, okay typically we do not schedule appointments for serious issues. It’s really only wart removals and STD scares. I would recommend you utilize your local Urgent Care on Broadway.

Howie: Urgent Care doesn’t accept the insurance that Seattle University uses, so it would cost my family hundreds of dollars!

Health Care Receptionist: Oooh, okay typically we do not necessarily care about students’ financial issues… or students’ health issues… or students… or anything.

Howie: Okay, I guess I’ll just go lay down now.

Health Center Receptionist: Good luck!

The memorial service for Howie will be held this Saturday in the Seattle University chapel. RIP Howie.

Juicy O’Woozy

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