SEATTLE UNIVERSITY – In a stunt that Hard Copy can only refer to as inspiring, President Sundborg (also known as Father Father Funborg) of Seattle University has tattooed the phrase “Sun-borg” on his forehead. He hopes that this change will encourage the sun to come out for more days in spring quarter.
“It’s a business decision, really,” remarked Sun-borg in a recent press conference. “The sunnier it is, the higher enrollment will climb. I’m very, very serious about this tattoo. Please do not touch my forehead for the rest of the fiscal year.” Sun-borg struck a hopeful-then-defeated look at a nearby window before exiting the stage.
— Ronnie Dhoads