This past week, students at Seattle University were notified time and time again of email delays by OIT. We at Hard Copy decided to put down our Spectators and turn off KXSU and hit the trail. This is what our cutting edge investigative journalism found in the case of the multiple email delays.
10.) Dean Jodi Kelly submitting hundreds of job applications to become the next Provost
9.) Student Government hacked the system to remind the school how much power they hold
8.) The school decided to divest from fossil fuels and lost power during the transition
7.) Father Sundborg lost email privileges for a week
6.) Andy McAnarchist from Reignite the Mission put their cigarette out on the server
5.) The Board of Trustees wanted to see what they could get away with
4.) Overwhelming success of the One of the Ones campaign caused record applications
3.) It was a hiccup in the Matrix
2.) Sean Kingston?
1.) We at Hard Copy did it.
— Mark Wilson